SaintBandMe: My first encounter with Saint B

Monday, April 19, 2010

My first encounter with Saint B

The Rule of Benedict begins with the words, “Listen carefully, my son …” Already you can see my problem. Apparently this isn’t meant for me.

When I first heard of Saint Benedict and his Rule six years ago in a seminary church history class, the whole idea repulsed me. But as someone who has had an almost lifelong love/hate relationship with organized religion, at the same time I was enchanted.

Benedict formed his community as an antidote against the decadence around him, according to Benedictine nun and scholar, Joan Chittister. Institution-weary as I was when I entered seminary, that was something I could somewhat relate to. In that class I also found out that Benedict had a sister, Scholastica, whom he seemed to treat as a full partner. That made me a little more kindly inclined toward Saint B, as I have come to call him.

But still I had to get through what appeared to me to be the kow-towing to abbots and priors, apparent monk-abuse (beatings were allowed), and the monastery fashion police who allowed monks only two garments (however these garments were supposed to be “fitted to the wearers”—that was a plus), described in the Rule.

I protested loudly to my classmates and teacher that I would never be one of those people who followed such a lifestyle. I could see myself as a hermit somewhere (which is how Saint B started out)—preferably in the desert—but I wouldn’t want to be beholden to anyone (yes, I guess I have a little problem with authority too).

Still the idea of living in community appealed to me. In my transition from a being a wife and mother to a mother and sole breadwinner, it was in community that I found my healing, my bearings and my way forward. Emphasis on intentional community is what had made me choose Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington, DC, to study rather than any other of my other choices.

While finishing my requirements for an M.A. in theology (one of two theology degrees, I earned. The other is an M.T.S or Master of Theological Studies), I completed my field training at the Washington National Cathedral Center for Prayer and Pilgrimage (CCPP), where I had been coming since 1997, the year my marriage broke up. As part of my training I was invited to sit in on meetings with a group called the Friends of St. Benedict (FOSB), which was affiliated with the Cathedral. FOSB was working with the CCPP to form a kind of non-monastic monastic (as in no residential component) community based at the Cathedral. It was to be called the Community of Reconciliation (COR). I got to take another look St. Benedict and his Rule and decided it wasn’t so bad after all.

One reason I came to that conclusion was that I had transitioned from living in community at Wesley (my daughters and I had a two-bedroom apartment in a secure building) to another campus setting where I was the often the oldest person in my building. Without my peers surrounding me on a daily basis, and the groups I had participated in and/or facilitated during seminary, I felt a little lost. This community sounded like just what I needed.

Meanwhile, I got to attend lectures by and spend one-on-one time with Benedictine scholar, Esther de Waal, when she came to the Cathedral for her yearly three-month residency. I had read a couple of her books—one which was given to me as a graduation present—and got a better picture of what Benedictine life and the Rule was about.

We also went through de Waal’s book, Seeking God: The Way of St. Benedict chapter by chapter. As we sipped Welsh tea in her Cathedral college digs that she had decorated with her own special flair, I began to see another side of Benedictine life. Through Esther I began to see that there was “nothing harsh, nothing burdensome” in it, to quote the Rule. Esther encouraged me to journal my thoughts between visits, and soon Benedict and his Rule became much more appealing.

After a couple of years of preparation work, the Community of Reconciliation was inaugurated. I attended all of the activities and plunged in as much as I could as the parent of a high schooler and the holder of about three different jobs at a time. The weekly COR meetings were held on Monday nights at the same time as my daughter’s department meetings and one of my meetings in my service as a chaplain. I was able to attend less than half of the weekly meetings.

Part of what the community did was to take the rule bit by bit and study it on a weekly basis. We used Joan Chittister’s book The Rule of Benedict: Insights for the Ages. Since I had started reading it before meeting with Esther, I had read through it on my own. Still taking a Rule in small bites in community helped me to see the beauty of it and to discuss the puzzling parts. Our fearless facilitators, first the Reverend Canon Eugene Sutton, who spearheaded the Community, and then Associate for Collaborative Projects, Greg Finch, who keeps it running, explained the geographical and historical setting in which the Rule was written. Things started to make more sense.

With my daughter graduated from high school, I was able to make more of the meetings and think about the Rule in relation to my life. Last fall, with a number of others I was inducted into the Community of Reconciliation as a companion (something like oblate or an associate in other communities). Since that time I have been working on constructing and trying to live by a Rule of my own.

Trying is the operative word. Despite my best efforts, I have bungled it big time. My rule is still in outline form despite attending many Creating a Rule of Life meetings and other teaching sessions.

Often I think the good Benedict would be appalled by my progress—or not. The week before last, in our meeting we read Chittister’s commentary that said, “… it is not perfection that Benedict insists on in a newcomer to the spiritual life; it is direction. … The Rule of Benedict wants to know at what we’re aiming … “

I’m aiming for a life lived in all its fullness in which all my gifts come to fruition in my life for the glory of God and the good of myself and others. Through the grace of Christ and the support of my beloved Community (I really do love it!), my personal rule—based on Saint B’s Rule—will provide the vehicle for that to happen.

I invite you to join the journey with Saint B and me.